This past week, I wanted to give up. My “inner mean girl” (a term I’m borrowing from Christine Arylo) took control of every thought I was having. She critiqued and judged every part of me, every decision I’ve made, and propagated all negative stories I’ve created in relation to myself. It felt grueling! And I nearly succumbed to the hold she had over me.
Do you experience anxiety, fear, or find yourself obsessively focusing on an old story? The next thing you know, this story is repeating itself like the echo of a broken record, taking control of your entire life. For a long time, I thought I was alone in this experience. Today I think it is universal.
It’s been my experience that the change of seasons draws old stories to the surface. Maybe it’s associations I make with temperature, similarly to how different tastes trigger emotional reactions. Yet, as I move more deeply into my being with the support of this juice feast (today being day 22), a space is opening up that is allowing me the opportunity to develop greater awareness for the vibration my consciousness is operating on.
And something marvelous is happening. I’m experiencing the space in which I can witness my experiences, just like you watch clouds moving across the sky. There’s no emotional response to watching a cloud glide across the sky. And our experiences are only here for us to experience a lesson, not for us to attach oursleves to them and press reply (again and again). So, as soon as I witnessed my inner mean girl’s dialogue distort my experience of being love, going to my Bikram yoga class was a non-negotiable.
As soon as I chose going to class over rehashing all the debilitating old stories and reconnected to my breath, I felt a powerful shift. A sweet delicious balance came over me and the river of life started to flow through me again. My heart opened and I once again felt infinite potential.
I’m falling in love with life again. Day 22 of my juice feast, and what I find most profound with this experience is how my mind continues to feel more strong, flexible, present. Being the chef / owner of a restaurant is the most challenging project I’ve embarked on, but I think for me the true challenge that I’m feeling is being on the road to higher consciousness. Sometimes it just feels lonely.
It’s easy to live in our stories and play same record again and again. But, for me that is not my happiness. And, I want to implement a life practice for choosing to play with thoughts that support me in creating the life I want to live.
We truly can fly free. For myself, I know I need to continue on my juice feast and prioritize my yoga practice. For now, these are the tools supporting me to witness my experiences, rather than hang on to imprisoned memories and stories that hold me back from ascending into my truth and the essence of who I really am.
And I believe that as I gain control of my mind and learn to change the channel more immediately from “inner mean girl” to being love, life is going to get fun! Our true essence is playful, happy, sunshine… yes, like a child! I’m ready to embrace her fully.
I hope you are enjoying the delicious shift of seasons. Stay tuned to Sun In Bloom news… I’m in action and working to solidify some exciting developments! If you are on Facebook, like us or follow us on Twitter. I like to play on these platforms. They allow me to stay present and share fun news, tips, and reflections.
P.s. My beautiful friend, Liz Neves, the founder of Raganella, is hosting a workshop at Sun In Bloom – Make-It-Yourself Cleaning Solutions workshop on Thursday, September 22nd from 6:30pm to 8:30pm at Sun In Bloom. If you are available, come play with us! Everyone will take home 3 beautiful products.